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Man-Lessons From a Five Year Old

Men-growing-older-001The biggest lesson I have ever learned about men was taught to me by a 5 year old. Before I had a niece, Matthew was the first kid I truly socialized with. Usually I would steer clear from kids, but on this occasion we were on a deck of a boat playing cowboys and Indians.

Prior to Matthew, my kid knowledge was none. I thought they were entertained by cartoons and ice cream trucks. However, I knew enough to know that it’s weird if a kid aimlessly stares at your chest; which Matthew was. I couldn’t help but think,

WTF? Does this kid know what he’s looking at? Or did he get weaned off late? Gross…

I sat-up to better assess the situation.

Yep, this kid is staring…

He was sitting a few feet across from me fidgeting back and forth. I can tell he was thinking something, but not quite sure what. He scooted up closer to me and asks,

“Can I give you a hug?”

Not knowing what to expect I said,


Next thing I know this kid has his face buried between my breasts giving me the biggest bear hug a 5 year old is capable of giving. To top it off, as we pull away from one another his right hand casually copped a feel of my chest. All I could think to myself was,

OMG this little shit thought it out! He totally knew what he was doing!

I saw the little wheels turn as he planned his actions, and executed. I highly doubt this 5 year boy knew what he was doing, but I do know his goal was to touch me. Now the question is why on earth would he want to do such a thing? Then I had the sudden realization men my age have done the same. The only difference is the innocence of their action and their age.

I came to the conclusion that the only thing males learn as they grow up is restraint! Have you ever seen an intoxicated  man creepily stare and paw  at a women?  We all have. Give a grown-man a bit of alcohol, and they revert back to being a 5 year old with happy hands.

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